notes on nathan

growing up around kids - volunteering in the church nursery, babysitting, nannying, camps, + now teaching- three has always been my favorite age.

these days, i am at times heartbroken by age three.

i know the correct, polite thing to say is that nathan has really been testing my patience lately, but what i really want to say is, nathan has really been mean lately. and i am left feeling lost. which makes me feel really unprepared for the even more attitude filled days ahead. i realize that i have no clue how boys are growing up. i didn't understand boys as a little girl + i don't understand them as a mom either. nathan has been mr. attitude around here + the sweetest boy in the world at times. he is defiant to say the least.

this has truly been my first inner dilemma with nathan. the first time as a parent, where i find myself staying up all night upset + worrying. (besides of course when we were completely sleep deprived with a newborn- i cried a lot then.) i can tell it is driving brian crazy as well. i know he is worried + can't fix it immediately.

we are implementing new rules + approaching our parenting in different ways. so far things are looking up + i think we will all be better off because of this in the future. (hopefully near future)

brian has been amazing. the other night when i had just had it + broke down so upset with nate's behavior that day. brian went to talk to him + they both came out to talk to me. nathan gave me a big hug (sweet nathan), then said, "mommy, i am not sorry for my 'haviors' today"(attitude nathan). brian told him that isn't a nice thing to say + nathan replied with a laugh. i know he is young + doesn't quite understand apologies + all of his emotions yet, but man that kid can really hit you where it hurts. brian has been teaching me to not spoil him as much. we are also implementing a responsibility chart to teach nathan we have to be nice + work hard in order to get the rewards we want.

i love this little one with all my heart, but feel very unprepared for this age. i love that nathan has his own voice + opinions. i love watching his personality develop more + more, as well as his independence. i just hope the attitude is a phase we can get through quickly. i love you so much nathan + can't wait for the next challenge we will face together.

in the mean time i am working on making sure i am always the nicest i can be to those around me. in the car stuck in traffic or when i get cut off, i am trying not to react negatively. if someone is unusually rude or irritating, i will try my hardest not to say a word, just smile. my mom always taught me to kill them with kindness, i hope to teach nathan this one day. if brian + i are disagreeing, we will move past it quickly or wait until nathan is asleep to talk out our issue. nathan needs to only see love to understand + show his own love.

thank you for allowing me to ramble + vent a little with you today sweet friends. any helpful guidance + advice would be greatly appreciated. sharing your stories would also help us to not feel so alone in this. what has been your hardest age?